How can a place so empty, be so full?

An empty house, so full of memories.
A backyard that no longer hosts Easter egg hunts and cricket matches.
A kitchen that no longer smells of warm, home-cooked meals.

An empty house, so full of memories.
A silent hallway that once echoed the sound of children playing tag.
A bedroom that is empty without a bed.

An empty house, so full of memories.
That smells of being cooped up, with no fresh air.
Walls bare, that now have tiny nail holes where precious paintings and pictures once hung.

An empty house, so full of memories.
A living room that now boasts of plenty of floor space, as the TV and chairs have been removed.
Closets that were once packed full of trinkets and treasures are empty and the doors kept closed.

An empty house, so full of memories.
A front door forever closed.
A front porch light that no longer flashes "goodbye", as no one is left inside.

Merchant's Ship and Wal-Mart Semis

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is worth more than precious rubies.
She is like a merchant's ship; she brings her food from afar."
Proverbs 31:10, 14
~
"Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over." Proverbs 3:9-10

Do you ever feel like the Proverbs 31 model woman is just a little unattainable for you? I do - often! I mean, this woman seems to have more than 24 hours in a day, and it is easy for me to compare myself to her and find myself lacking. But today I had a little personal victory realized that, at least for today, I lived a little bit of Proverbs 31.

Verse 14 describes a woman who provides food for her family from "afar." As a young home school girl, one of my assignments was to illustrate the Proverbs 31 woman. The picture I drew for verse 14 was a large box of Cheerios aboard a ship. Little did I know that 15 years later I would realize how close to the truth that drawing is!

Today I went price match shopping at my Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market. I nearly always prefer to go to Kroger, Albertson's orTom Thumb, but this week's sales were SO good at all three stores, and none of my coupons were eligible to be doubled grocery stores will triple all coupons up to $0.39 and double coupons up to $0.50 - Wal-Mart accepts coupons at face value.) and I wanted to take advantage of "one stop shopping." After price matching and using coupons, I bought the following items for about $16.00.

11 tubes of Speed Stick deodorant
8 bottles of Advil
2 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios
2 boxes of Strawberry Yogurt Cheerios
2 boxes of Raisin Bran
4 boxes of Eggo whole wheat waffles
8 boxes of Pop Tarts


I estimate the original Wal-Mart price for these items to be about $125.00 - that's a savings of about 88%. The Kellogg items are also part of a mail-in rebate that is available, so after I receive the rebate check I will have spent a total of $6.00 for all of those products!

In this modern day in which we live, Cheerios and Advil may not come to us via merchant ships. Most of the items above are made in the good old US of A - and arrive3d in Fort Worth via a Wal-Mart semi...but it did still come from "afar."

In My Weakness He is Strong

Many of you know that I often suffer from pretty severe back pain. 5 years ago I had emergency surgery to remove a herniated disc in my lower back and since that time I've had to endure frequent back pain and weakness. When I first injured my back the Lord used that time in my life to remind me of my utter dependence upon Him. At that time in my life I was 21 years old and 100% dependent upon my parents fore everything from turning on the bath water to tying my shoes. Being physically dependent upon someone allowed me to remember my spiritual (and often physical) dependence on God.

Since January of this year I have once again been faced with back problems. This time around I'm not as dependent on someone to care for every detail of my life, but I am very aware of my weakness and often I must ask for help lifting and carrying things that are too heavy for me. It doesn't take long for me to start feeling sorry for myself. It often seems that I have more limitations than I deserve, and that I am too weak for a 26 year old woman. Such are the thoughts I've been dwelling on for the past couple of days.

Today the Lord brought to mind some scripture verses that have been an encouragement to me. In 1 Corinthians 1:27 I read, "God has chosen the world's foolish things to shame the wise, and God has chosen the world's weak things to shame the strong. God has chosen the world's insignificant and despised things--the things viewed as nothing--so He might bring to nothing the things that are viewed as something." And in 2 Corinthians 2:10 Paul writes: "Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

Many Biblical characters that God used to lead the Nation of Israel were weak according to man's standard. Moses felt that he was an inadequate leader for the captive children of Israel, and he actually begged God to choose someone else to lead Israel out of Egypt. King David was but a small insignificant shepherd, and yet he was HAND PICKED by God to rule Israel. The Apostle Paul wrote several times of a "thorn in my flesh", which likely could have been a physical disability, and it is also recorded that he had poor vision. Yet God used Paul to pen nearly half of the New Testament!

I am reminded that when I embrace my weakness and rely on God's almighty strength, I am made stronger, and He is glorified. His strength carries me through the pain, difficulty, and inconvenience of lower back pain. And He reminds me that His plan for my life is perfect, and His plan will be executed despite my physical weakness!!

Perhaps you too are facing a physical limitation or weakness. I hope you will be encouraged by these verses and remember that when His children are weak, God's strength becomes evident and His name renown. Won't you pray with me for His glory and power to be revealed, even if it means a disability or weakness for you?

The following song by Chris Tomlin is an encouragement to me as well.

"Great is Your faithfulness oh God, You wrestle with the sinner's heart. You lead us by still waters in to mercy, and nothing can keep us apart! Great is Your love and justice God, You use the weak to lead the strong. You lead us in the song of Your salvation, And all Your people sing along. So remember Your people, remember Your children, remember Your promise Oh God! Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me."

Let's dwell on His strength and sufficient grace, and not on our weaknesses.

Changes

This weekend my grandparents are moving out of their home of more than 60 years. Because of their age and poor vision, living independently has become very difficult for them, and they have decided to move into an assisted living facility in Houston.

This time of transition is difficult for them and their family. Their home holds so many fond memories, spanning 6 decades and at least five generations. Every major holiday has been celebrated in that home, as well has fun-filled sleepovers, and birthday parties.

This week I spent a lot of time trying to decide if I want to go visit their house one last time. Part of me wants to go visit them and see the house, and make sure that they are okay. I also want to see their new home and know for myself that they will feel at home at Hearthstone. But at the same time, I don't want to see my grandparent's house packed and full of boxes. I don't want to see bare walls and empty closets. This internal conflict has plagued me most of the week.

I finally decided not go this weekend. I want my grandparent's house to remain in my memory the way it was when I was a kid. From the plastic table cloth on the kitchen table, to the gold mail box on the front porch, I want to remember every detail the way it is supposed to be. I want to always remember the yellow curtains that hang in the spare bedroom. They've been there my entire life, and I remember pulling them back to look out at the huge back yard when I was a kid. I'll always remember the pink polyester night gown that hangs in the spare bedroom closet. I couldn't wait until I was big enough to wear Grandma's night gown - it was a :grown up" night gown and I as soon as it fit me I claimed it as my own every time I spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

I remember the creaking sound of the latch on the screen door in the kitchen. My brother and cousins and I spent a lot of time in the back yard, and the small metal latch on the screen door was sometimes tricky for us to open when we were younger. It makes this wonderful soft creaking sound every time the door opens.

I love the HUGE dictionary that sits on the table next to my Grandpa's chair in the den. It must be about 6 inches thick, and contain EVERY word in the English language. When I was a kid I couldn't even lift it! It is blue and and I think my Grandpa has read it cover to cover....

I love how my Grandma and Grandpa's house smells...sort of a mixture between toothpaste, cookies, and natural gas. That doesn't sound like it smells good, but it does. Older homes have that natural gas smell, and that, mixed with the clean smell of toothpaste and the sweet smell of cookies makes for a wonderful fragrance that smells like Grandma's house.

In the next few days the house will be emptied, cleaned, and left vacant until Grandma, Grandpa, my mom and uncle decide what to do with the house. When they leave this weekend, there will be an enormous vacuum that will fill all of our hearts with sadness and a sense of lost. We are losing what was - their independence, their sweet home. This tiny house, lacking so many modern amenities has meant so much to my family, and is to me right now, a dream house.

Bragging

This has been a really hectic week for me. I usually get Friday, Saturday and Sundays off, but last weekend I had to work on Friday and Saturday, and on Saturday night my husband and went home (about 3 hours away) to see my Dad on Father's Day. Less than 24 hours later we were headed back home, and I went right back to work on Monday morning.

I worked late on Monday, and on Tuesday I worked almost 13 hours without a break. The girl who was supposed to work late on Tuesday got sick and went home, so I worked for her. By Wednesday, I was out of scrubs to wear to work. I came home yesterday and found one pair of clean scrubs. My sweet husband knew I was out of work clothes, and he washed a quick load of a little of everything. (We were out of other items too...and getting desperate!)

At my job we have a "schedule" of which color scrubs to wear each day. M-W-F we wear green, and T-TH we wear blue. My husband can't keep track of this schedule, so I was quite surprised to see that he had washed the blue scrubs, the ones I needed to wear today. He explained that he saw that the blue scrubs were on top, and he guessed that's what I'd worn on Tuesday, so he washed them thinking I would need them today (Thursday.)

I really appreciated this small gesture from my husband to help out with the laundry (truth be told he does most of it anyway.) And I love that he took the time to try to figure out which scrub I would need.

Isn't he wonderful?

"Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting." - Ephesians 5:25 (The Message)

God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.

There are no words to describe the events of this weekend...but I will try. My husband's grandfather has suffered for many years with dementia and Parkinson's disease. He has been faithfully cared for by his wife and daughters, and even now, as he was on the brink of passing from this life into the presence of God, he was at home surrounded by three of the women in this world who love him most.

I've never known this man, my husband's grandfather. I met him about four years ago, and even then his mental state was somewhat diminished. The last memory I have of Granddaddy is last Christmas when he was still able to sit at the kitchen table and laugh with the family. We didn't know if he knew what he was laughing about or not, but his presence was an obvious delight to all of us around him. This is the memory I want to remember for the rest of my life. For this reason I couldn't bring myself to visit him in his room when we arrived on Friday morning.

As much as I would have loved to sit in his room with him and his daughters, wife, and grandson, I couldn't bring myself to go in there. So I spent much of Friday sitting a few feet away from his room, and I was honored to get to observe his family caring for him, and ushering him out of this world and into the next. I was, as the cliche says, "a fly on the wall."

One of his daughters told him probably a hundred times or more how much she loves him. She told him what a wonderful daddy he is, how special he is, and how much he is loved. It broke my heart, and made me wonder why some people (not this family) wait until the end of life to express these tender thoughts? Daddy, if you're reading this, I love you! You are wonderful and I will love you until the day I die. (And in case you don't read this, I'll tell you the next time I talk to you!)

My husband's mother spent a good part of the evening singing hymns to her daddy. He always loved to hear her sing, and I think her singing tonight was a comfort to all of us who could hear her soft voice. The words of the old hymns are so full of meaning, and sometimes when we are grieving, when we're tired and anxious, words fail to come. But the glorious truths that have stood the test of time remain. How our Lord must delight in the praises of His people, even in their darkest hour.

When my husband and I left late Friday night, we both knew it may be the last time to see his Granddaddy on this earth. The next morning, at 10:02 Saturday morning, he went to be with the Lord.

David's mom told us later of his quiet, peaceful passing. The three women (two of Granddaddy's daughters, and his beloved wife) were sitting with him, and the sky grew cloudy just as Granddaddy breathed his last breath. Just a moment later a strong wind made its way around the house, and through the open window, and with that wind, he was gone. His wife, observing the swift change in weather, noted wisely, "It is a dark day when he leaves this earth." Moments later it began to rain, but only briefly, for within minutes the sun was shining again. David's aunt insightfully and poetically captured the tenderness of that moment, saying, "It is a dark day when Daddy leaves us, and with the wind his spirit is taken away. The rain, like tears fall, but the sun shines agains."

Granddaddy's passing was not a surprise to this family, yet we all grieve for the life that is no longer with us. But the women in this family are strong, and while they have shed countless tears for their father, all of them have the promise of being united with him someday. In death there is new life. In grief there is rejoicing. Through tears there is laughter. All a perfect example of the promise in Revelation 7:17, "The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes."

I love the words to this song by Casting Crowns.

"Stained Glass Masquerade"


Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?

Cause when I take a look around,
Everybody seems so strong.
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong.

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay.
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too.
So with a painted grin, I play the part again,
So everyone will see me the way that I see them.

Are we happy plastic people,
Under shiny plastic steeples?
With walls around our weakness,
And smiles to hide our pain.
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken,
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade.

Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage?

The performance is convincing,
And we know every line by heart.
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart.

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be?

Would your arms be open,
Or would you walk away?
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?

Why blog?

What is a blog, and what is it's purpose? According to blogspot.com, a blog is defined as "your easy-to-use web site, where you can quickly post thoughts, interact with people, and more." I take this to mean that a blog is a personal expression of one's self, and a way to interact with other bloggers (would that be other people expressing themselves?) and I'm not sure what the "more" means.

How is this different from myspace or facebook? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that personal expression is the primary theme of blogging, whereas sites like facebook and myspace are more of an electronic form of networking and keeping up with friends. I think that blogging is primarily an outlet for communicating one's thoughts and ideas to - no one in particular.

So here's to to the start of me expressing myself to the great void we call the internet. Who will read this? I don't know, maybe no one. So why write, if I don't know that anyone will read it? Perhaps it is for the mere benefit of collecting my own thoughts together and realizing for myself what I actually think about something...and that's reason enough.